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The Shore Mysteries

The Case of the Missing Mythic Beauty

IT was a perfect day for gathering seashells at the beach, and the sounds welling up from deep within the shells sang of mermaids who’d rather surrender their upper half of humanity than pull taffy at fudge shops. No one was surprised when a few sensitive young men took the songs to heart and swam out beyond the breakers.

Not all came back intact! At the funeral for one, only the upper portion of his body was displayed in the casket, and days later he mysteriously rose from the grave under a moonless night. Witnessed by a pack of grave robbers, they told the story to a muckraker who sold it to a supermarket tabloid and moved to Kentucky.

He opened a theme park for veterinarians and gave family discounts to those who brought plastic replicas of retroviruses to the entrance gate. One stormy night, lightening struck and all things iconic became real. Snakes the size of roller coasters, turtles as big as Ferris wheels, and lizards whose tails were longer than the tunnel of love declared that the reign of the dinosaur had returned.

On Columbus Day, a team of trauma experts was sent to the site to counsel the giant beasts about the terrors of the postmodern era, but one mention of the rise in fudge prices and the team was eaten alive. You could hear the sounds of their bones snapping and their cries welling up from the sewers everywhere. It wasn’t until a few sensitive young men showed up with taffy that calm was restored.

Discovering that a sweet tooth had mysteriously risen up from the grave of the deep past and overwhelmed them, the ancient reptiles came to their senses and snuggled back up into the history books. But not without a nod to a moonless night down the shore when, not too long ago, even the grave robbers felt unsafe.

Finally Inspector Park was called in and he examined the retroviruses teeming in the fish wrap thrown into the trash. They told of a stormy night, when a young man was fusing a mermaid’s upper half of humanity to his lower, lightening struck and all things real became iconic. It surprised no one when the mythic beauty climbed up out of the grave upside down on her hands and went out across the beach and down into the sea’s deep dark tunnel of love.

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Strange happenings down at the shore strangely told